Hiya.

Soz for being away for so long. I have been under ground since the incident reported below.

What i have done when i have not been scared to leave the house:

Turned one year older (didnt need to leave the house for this).... Got drunk, fell of high bar stool hit head.... Went to see the Post War Kids (who turned out to be Post War Years, disappointed - yes. but not as much as ross was who had rearranged his whole life to go to it).... Bought some new shoes... found the new shoes in the sale a week later... cried a bit... went over drawn... Got drunk.

Happy fucking Christmas.

A piece of advice.

Upon encountering a Kamikaze Hackett clad, short wearing, cap sporting, bum-fluffed youth on a push bike try not to antagonise the beast.

Under no circumstances call him a "dick head" - this only enrages the situation. Whatever you do dont call him a "dick head" twice.

And if he does threaten to call "the boys", one retort to stear well clear of is "What are youse gonna do.... bum me?" as they dont seem to have a sense of humour.

If you cant learn from your mistakes, learn from near death experiences. Or just keep your fucking mouth shut would probably be wiser.


Staying alive is now my full time occupation.

It is nearly 1pm and i really need a drink.

I have come to a conclusion that the desire to hoy ale down your neck is a powerful primitive instinct.

Its a survival measure.

It has to be burried deep in man's sub-consciousness....

....along side fight or flight, foraging for food, and fucking.


But are they all an illusion, prolonging the agony....?



Hmmm, ponderous it is.

Breaking news:

A reliable source in Manchester has his ear to the ground and word on the street is.....

Pete "Millsy" Mills was recently spotted shaking like a shitting dog on a roof somewhere in The Lake District.

Dommy "Big Balls" Goodings was last seen talking the back legs off a donkey. It has been reported that the said donkey has since died. First indications is that it was bored to death.

Ross "Can of Snooze" Matheson will probably be asleep somewhere or late for some kind of meeting or babysitting. It's bound to be one of these three things because thats all he ever does.



This is now a full scale nationwide search and any information, however unreliable or fictitious, is welcome on these pages. I do not reveal my sources, your privacy is always guaranteed.....

...just ask Bazza.

...which is funny cos either the other members of gear have too or they are dead. Or they are just MIA... not that we ever do anything though, so MAO (Missing Amidst Obscurity) probably more apt.

that’s why I would like to call a nationwide search and I need your help.


If anyone has any information on the whereabouts of any gear members please do let us know. Those in question are:

Pete “Millsy” Mills. Known never to show his hand. He will however agree to anything. Please be aware, this man is armed and dangerous. Just because he wont look you in the eye doesnt mean he isnt going to fuck you. Just ask me dad.

Dommy “Big Balls” Goodings. Last seen South of the river indicating an early migration south for the winter. Possibly under the influence of performance enhancing drugs. Please tread carefully, due to the change in the climate Dommy’s internal clock is telling him to hibernate. Grumpy, Dopey and Bashful have all fallen victims to his insatiable appetite.

Ross “Can of Snooze” Matheson. Possibly the easiest target to locate. Known to dwell only in Shorditchian public houses beginning with ‘C’ and sleep 27 hours a day. If anyone finds him asleep in a bar please use the pre-addressed envelope secured in his back pocket (he fits much the same as Flat Stanley did) and return him to The Priory.


Any information received in relation to the missing persons will be reported within this very website.


Happy hunting....

Nothing to prove nothing to say
La la la la la la la lay

Nearly cut my finger off the other day.


Nothing else to report.

I am writing this a very sad man! I feel like Pete Townsend.

No not to do with when he invented the internet in the 1960's...

or on that day when he decided to be a nonce...

....when he wrote behind blue eyes.


i am a sad man, not neccessarily a bad man (depending on who you converse with), and also behind bluey-green eyes. So, close enough. Oh fuck it.


Anyway i am sad cos one of my favourite bands is fucking it off. For reasons unknown.... obviously I havent actually got round to asking them yet, but the reasons are inconsequential. Well actually no they are not as they have caused them to break up (get on with it dan you are losing them...)

So, the band - The Sketch.

Many of you will know them from Club Awooga fame but i was priveledged to know them far more intimately. Some may say i was "a friend" of theirs, and we are not talking myspace cocknose friend let me tell you. They even stayed on my sofa once - beat that you fuckers! Yeah, aaawiiiiite!

What can i say about them? I'd say they're awesome but i dont think that does them justice. Best live band I've ever seen? Most probably.

I thought i would share this with you for one reason: I like the sound of my own blogs and you have one more chance to see them play live. On Saturday in Weston-Super-Mare.

Yeah alright its fucking miles away but how far would we get if we all thought that way:

Proclaimers "gonna be (to the end of the road, might possibly get the bus)"

Buzz Lightyear - "To Morrisons, no further!"


Come on people. I am serious. This is one gig you should not miss. Get a bus if you have to. Take the train if you can. Get off your fat arses and see them at the Grove Park Festival www.myspace.com/unsignedmusiclive

You owe it to yourself!



ps if you do go we are on at 5.50pm so make sure you go to that as well....

Gear frequented the all new Kendal Calling festival this Saturday. It was an early start, for most of us.....

0800hrs was pick up time and with an expected departure time of 0830hrs from Rossage's humble abode we needed to be efficient. Unfortunately this may have been a little optimistic considering the band members involved.

It was all going swimmingly until we arrived at Rossage's to find that his phone turned off and his house secured beyond reason. Quick thinking on Dom's part allowing us to enter the premises with the aid of next door's broom through bedroom window. Once inside, Ross was found naked with a post-it note stuck on his head. Said note with "Wake up at 8" written on it....

All in tow we began the journey only for me to remember i had not remembered my plectrums. I am getting better at this though - i forgot my guitars on the Buzzcocks tour.

So after the false starts, delays and other trivia we were north bound by 0910hrs - woo!

Obviously concerned with the current situation (40 minutes in deficit) we thought we should put a few miles in before we stopped for other needless activities.... true to form we managed to make it to the north circular before we stopped for a spot of brunch.


The rest of the journey went without incident. I say without incident. Dom covered himself in milk, Tom and Kev (Barrow ex-pats) were soaked in their own piss and as for Ross, would you believe it, he slept all the way.


We arrived in the South Lakes 1520hrs, had played a stonking set by 1715hrs and were suitably fucked by 1731hrs.


By 2300hrs Dirty Pretty Things had finished their set and 27 hardcore Gearites and Gearettes were moshing in the Gear van until the very early hours of Sunday morning.


A very big thank you to all those traveling so far for the gig: Humberside, Durham, west & north Cumbria, Manchester – you all fucking rock.

And a very, very big thank you to the young lady with the duvet – without which 50% of the band would be dead.

xxx

Evaluate:

Man in a box + Roxy = Z

Man in a box = 5 pints
Roxy = 6 Kronenbourg + 8 Sambuca + 6 vodka & tonic

What is the value of Z?


Think it may be all over, the tide has well and truly turned

Ha fucking hardy ha ha.

Jesus, what a week.
I say a week. Its been 2.

1 Charity gig
2 Festivals
1 Carnival
2 lost pedals
6 lost leads
1 snapped les paul
1 shattered ricky
1 stuck van
1 fuck load of mud madness within said van
2 dead girls (I exagerate, 1 dead girl & 1 with a broken nose but you get the picture. Yes, I have lie to make my life sound better....)
3 dead squirrels (dont ask)
12 days of rain
900 miles on the road
6 days worth of piss that flooded out of the urinal on a guys head at the pyramid stage. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
21 hours in transit
3 people locked outside the gates of glastonbury
15 poos (9 on saturday afternoon at glastonbury)
5 nights sleeping in a van
5 bands seen throughout the whole of glastonbury festival (1 of which was gear)
1 massive yorkshire pudding (my glastonbury meal)
1 spoon
1 two-hats (what the fuck was that all about?)
1 near death experience
1 projectile vomit incident
50000 in lost vagueness saturday night
5000 at left field thursday morning
500 at the canteen last saturday night
50 at sandside friday afternoon

and obviously.....

5 million other things that i have forgotten.......


ah, all in a days work....!
i say a day. it has been 2 weeks.

I have been nominated to speak on behalf of 1/4 of gear and clarify a few points...


Dear Little Johnny,

As you will know, Pete "Man-Mountain" Mills has many hidden talents and some may say the written word is the reason his right arm appears larger and more pronounced than his left but others may beg to differ...

Mr. Mills (to his lovers) is technically the spokesman for the band and to that effect he has developed an unmistakable personal style; from his works on ‘Analgesia’ to the Rickenbacker Episode, a “Millsy” is unforgettable.

Lest we forget, The Mills is also technically the bass player in gear.

So ponder this my friend:

If a bass player no-longer plays bass in a band, will anyone notice?

The essence of rock'n'roll prevents a straight answer - why, most of us being so heavily sedated it will probably remain a mystery for a long time yet.

We just don’t know no no no no no no do we……?

"One shit on by bird gate good luck.....


.... the one that shit on bird boast great negotiation skills"


Too true, too true....


Thank you old wise one